Eye Contact

I saw him again today, with that look in his eye. The one that told me he saw me do it again. I looked away like I always do, rushing because I don’t know what to say or do. I’m supposed to just approach him, say hi at the least, it’s not like if I even give him a hint of a smile, we are engaged to be married and have six children. But not having spoken to him in a while makes it hard for me to know what he’s thinking, whether he wants me to approach him or whether he wants me to forget it all ever happened. Well, nothing happened so there’s nothing to be so embarrassed about. That’s right, we’re both just being stupid, and I mean if I don’t say hi, it doesn’t mean he can’t. I make up my mind, that the next time I see him, I will make sure I say hi. When I do, I pretend not to be nervous or put off by the fact that I think he is really cute and that I may like him slightly and that’s why I’ve been so weird. Instead I just make it short, and am the civil person I’ve been known to be, I want to be. Although at this stage I would much rather something more would happen. I say “Hi” pretending I’m remembering a familiar face and nothing much more happens. He does the boy thing that boys always do, “Facebook me”, but that could’ve also been because he was getting off the bus. And that was that. I wonder about it for a while before I realise that I am proud of myself for finally plucking up the courage to talk to him even though it didn’t get that far, but small steps are definitely steps, and sooner or later they will become bigger and better and more confident. Perhaps I won’t even need him in the future; maybe this is all practice in leading up to the perfection that will swipe me off my feet, leaving me unguarded again.

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