#0803 Conversations Are Tough

Anxious, nervous and a social wreck. I’m listening to you speak but my attention averts to your nose. I’m thinking about thinking about your nose and I try to move my eyes. Shift my thoughts again, back to the conversation but suddenly i’m looking at your head, your hat and the way your eye lids shut and open. I’m looking at how your mouth moves and how you tug at your shirt every now and then. I’m not thinking about them because I want to. In fact I don’t want to. I think hard about what you’re saying, trying my hardest to absorb it. I do. I absorb. It just takes an awful lot of effort to do it. I’m distracted by the movement behind you, the heaviness of my books, the constant distressed look on people’s faces as they walk pass. I try. I really do and when I’m caught back to the conversation I could swear i’ve been there the whole time, i’m able to reply with a qualitative answer. But just like that I drift again. I’m thinking about how you’re such a nice person,  standing here talking to me, what about you, what do you think of me? Can you tell i’m distracted, is it obvious? Does my face show it, is it written in red across my forehead? I don’t want to leave, I really enjoy talking to you but your words will float away amidst the crowd of lost thoughts.  Thoughts of mine that linger and creep themselves out again in another time, another place and another conversation. So please excuse my anxious, nervous and socially awkward self. It’s not personal, it’s just me.


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