#0206 My Wife-I

I stare at the little dinosaur looking robot face on the screen wishing it’s on sleep mode but it’s just the damned WiFi. Good for nothing. I wonder if it does this on purpose sometimes. It’s already been a whole 5 seconds. I hold the wireless mouse tightly and chuck it a whopping 2 inches from it’s original position, throwing my head back in anger and kicking my feet like a 3 year old once again, as if the gesture of my frustration would somehow channel its way to the router upstairs.
“You always do this!” I yell. To no-one in particular of course. The router clearly doesn’t have any ears or it would’ve stopped this nonsense a long time ago. My laptop screen has probably learnt to shut his off because it’s heard it all before,
“The one time! The one time I let my guard down and you little…” Of course it’s not the one time I’ve let my guard down. I do it all the frickin’ time.
I click the refresh button furiously. Then you say that’s not going to do anything, but all I hear is …… that’s right nothing, I don’t hear anything you say. Clicking furiously doesn’t do anything but I just want it to know I’m here. By ‘it’ I mean the router. I want it to know I haven’t gone and I’m impatiently waiting for it to stop being a jerk. Then again, I know it’s not going to stop being one but as soon as I see the page refresh automatically I have those high hopes again. It knows how to play me, I have to treat it nicely – slow clicks, easy scrolling, only two/ maximum three tabs open at one time. Secretly everyone knows that doesn’t do anything, the WiFi is just Cruella De Vil – pretends to be on your side when the whole time she just plain as ass isn’t, even if you give her a chance.
I can’t believe it’s been off for a whole minute already! All those internet users going about their business and me here waiting. Actually waiting. The things I give up for WiFi and it does absolutely nothing for me. What provider tells you one thing and then doesn’t follow up on it? Mine! My provider! I’m going to write a review, that’s what I’m going to do. Oh wait I can’t because the damned WiFi isn’t working!! What is my life?

*Gasp* ……. “The page is refreshing… Oh sweet lord, Mother of Jesus. I will do you right this time I promise.”


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